i'm teaching my dogs surgery

March 22, 2008 Sunday
Dawn, and my family was in a rumble-actually only my dad was. It was freakin' early and I was still half conscious as we headed to greet Easter dawn mass. We all got out of the house and locked the house tight but nobody brought keys with them. So my father tormed the road with a temper to match hell's (on an Easter).
My dad, along our way home from mass, sermoned about how incompetent and stupid we could be, blah, blah, blah (all other points he said was out of the topic, way out). We managed to open the gate but we had trouble ith the locked door. Two of our dogs left inside were barking insanely as we attemped to mangle the door knob open. At that precise moment, I regret how I should have taught my two dogs surgery, or in that case, how to open locked doors from the inside. I have decided to teach surgery to my dog or at the least opening doors from the inside in one week.

March 23, 2008 Monday
I am now officially determined to teach my dog how to do surgery and open locked doors from th inside. You may think it's impossible but recently an American cat was reported on international TV to have called 911 as its house was burning. The heroic cat's phone line was recorded and goes, "Hello?", "meow meow", "Is anybody there? What seems to be the problem?", "meow meow!! meow!". And so 911 was able to rescue the would be victims. With that on hand, I believe my poodle can learn surgery and opening doors, booth of which requires the same amount of hand skills.
I began teaching my dog the history of surgery. I amassed my literary sources for the history of door knobs but I was limited to the dictionaty and the hardware brochure. I believe my mutt has mild ADHD because she has a fly's attetion span, but no frets. Many genuises (or Geni?) had mild attetnion disorders.

March 24, 2009 Tuesday
I believe that knowledge is only the iceberg's tip and that hardcore learning is in the actual procedure. I proceeded with the basic handling of instruments. I then realized my puppy had paws! This might be a big obstacle. You see primates are able to handle objects well because their hands have thumbs. My dog however, didn't.
I focused today on teaching my dog hlding the forceps, scisors, knife, fork, spoon with her two front limbs. I was bitterly frustrated with today's discovery: my dog has phobia of silverware! This could be much harder than I thought.

Marchc 25, 2009 Wednesday
Night hasn't left the sky when I began searching for specimens. Get back animal right's lovers! Get back! It's a cruel fact but current medicine is based on years of nauseating corpse meddling. The wide meadw-like area in our back nested many critters, some fit to be "lab pets".
The procedures started with amphibians progressing to small mammals. My poodle violently objected when we proceeded to felines. Despite instinctive anger toward the specie, she refuses to handle a cat's you know what. Tsk Tsk. Despite modernization, some cultures can never change.

March 26, 2007 Thursday
The middle of the week is up and the goal seem to become farther away than originally thought. My poodle has become more inattentive and even evasive as I begin our lectures. She would also be constantly interrupted by her boyfriend, our japanese pinch.
We ended up the day staring at the doorknob. She sulked when I scolded her that love/mating should not come in the way of her career, but she believes otherwise.She believes that her personal life comesbefore anything else. After our short squabble, she became uncooperative. Sigh.

March 27, 2008 Friday
We reconciled and settled on the idea that her everything in her training isn't personal. We're friends outside her training but teacher and student inside class. All went well, surprisingly. This week has been grinding on my head and it was a relief that today we can finally practice opening doors. Today is her first return demonstration and we chose to do a simple carniotomy on a dead rat my japanese pinch caught last night.
The god of misfortune must have blessed this entire endeavor. The would be surgeon suffered from severe vomiting, perhaps from last nights party. I told her never to party before exam days but she didn't listen-independence can be very poisonous.

March 28, 2008 Saturday
The big day, everything has been prepared: the patient, prepared and anesthetized; the equipment sterlized; and the theatre (our bathroom has been converted to an OR theatre). But before we coud begin, the patient had a massive allergic response. The anesthetic was far too allergic and we lot the patient even before the first incision was made.
We didn't let this get us down, we planned to march to the next plan: assembling and disassembling titanium door knobs the ones even the White house would envy. But all this week has prooven too much for my dog. She confessed she never reall wanted to do this, and she withstood just for me, her master. She really wanted to be a flight stewardess. I have expected the worst, but his was all too much.

March 29, 2009
I gave up my dream of teaching surgery to my poodle. The reason was simple-she was just not cut for this. She was al too frail and timid. Surgery is hardcore, as well as opening knobs.

So I closed this chapter of my life, and opened another. This week I'll teach my Japanese pinch Chemical Engineering!